I am weak, ashamed, and just a bad person

[Tamara]

It is one thing to sin and be ignorant about the love and passing judgement of God. But to sin and be aware of His eyes upon you, knowing that what you are doing is wrong it's even worse. Or better yet, knowing this, and not being able to stop, is what's even worse, what makes me more disgusting and pathetic.

I tried to stay away from it, but I got involved with a man I work with. There is no emotions, no feelings, no realistic chemistry between us, except physical, no future I am sure. I am most likely just being used. I know this and yet cant stop it. I am getting tempted and not fighting temptation. I am rather enjoying it....how disgusting does that make me? God gives me everything, and I repay him by sinning, by degrading myself and straying....Why is being a good person with good choices so difficult to do, yet being a sinner with a weak mind come so easy? Doing something you shouldnt is so easy, so instantly gratifying, yet you'll pay for it for eternity. I know this, why cant I stop? I try to be loved by God, and I try to make Him proud in whatever I do...yet the more I try, the more I get tempted? If He sees me trying to hard to please him and have Him be so proud of me, why does He not protect me from some of these aweful temptations? Why does He put in my path these men, these proposals,these situation I cannot escape?

I am not blaming Him, as I know I am the problem, the shameful person that just wants to hide her face when I come home at night, and lay in my bed. I want to hide from God because I know that I sin and make Him so upset and dissapointed. Disappointing Him, is the worse thing ever. Knowing there is someone out there so good to you, so trusting, loving, and supportive, yet you betray Him.....I am truly sorry, and wish I was a stronger woman, someone that He would be proud of.

[GottaloveHim]

"Love the sinner and hate the sin" Tamara take it is on yourself, you wont become stronger attacking yourself for your weaknesses.

Today I was at a conference and a lady was so overwhelmed with how she was viewed through the eyes of others. During a song for this lady I got the following thought: "If you could see yourself as God sees you...It would scare the hell out of you." That may not sound nice but in the bible you can read angles tell those whom they visit not to be afraid. Why? Because they are so beautiful maybe?

Well Tamara that is what you are beautiful. You are a princess to the King of Kings. You are created in His image. Jesus Christ is gentle and forgiving to sinners so, Tamara love like He has instructed us. Even loving and forgiving yourself.

Heavenly Father thank You for the repentance Tamara declared here. I ask in the name of Jesus Christ that she not be lead in to temptation and she be delivered from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory. Amen

[Kimmy1975]

Wow...Can I relate to that. Almost all of it really..just different circumstances. Seems the more I want to please God...the more I am tested. I also, had an abortion, knowing before I went...it was wrong but I did it anyways. It is a very hard struggle internally and Gotta Love him is right. We certainly don't help ourselves by putting ourselves down.

Someone explained something to me last night...about a story in the bible. It was, I believe about King David. Who had many wives..but was a very loved man of God. He came across a woman..who was married...and slept with her. He then had her husband killed...because he wanted to be with her. Awful right?? Yet...the entire time..he kept his eyes on the Lord...and loved him. God loved him too. So you see...we will have bumps in the road...not that it gives us permission to sin...but even in those bumps in the road...try to always keep your eyes on the Lord and your love on him. We are going to sin...directly or indirectly...but always always...keep YOUR EYES ON THE LORD and LOVE HIM ALWAYS!!! Keep your focus on him....not on beating yourself up!!!

Good Luck hun
Kimmy

[MyHeartsCry]

Tamara, there is no sin that is so bad that God cannot rescue you and forgive you. You are not a bad person! You are a human being with struggles like all of the rest of us. Read Romans 7:15-25. If Paul himself, one of the greatest prophets of all times, struggled with sin, do we think we wouldn't?
Unfortunately, we live in an evil world where God has allowed Satan to be the prince of this world for a short time. God still has control, of course, but He is allowing the devil to have free access to us all for a time, until Christ comes back. There's no way we can resist the devil or sin on our own. But He does say that he provides a way out when the temptation gets too strong. We have to throw ourselves on the mercy of Christ and continually ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit to help us overcome temptations. And then we have to rely on our brothers and sisters to help lift us up in prayer. You have done that by asking for prayer, so already you have weakened the stronghold of this sin. It is by exposing any sin to the light that we are able to overcome. It's a very humbling thing to do, of course, and I admire your courage and humble heart that wants to overcome this.
I truly believe, too, that when we are earnestly seeking God that our struggles get harder because Satan will attack more. He will do whatever he can to keep us down and defeated. I hate him so much! I hate what he's doing to God's people!
Where two or more people are gathered in prayer, Jesus is there. I believe there is power in prayer. I will pray for you that God will break this stronghold off of you. Nothing is too hard for Him. Stay in the Word. Keep praying. I believe you will have a breakthrough. God bless you, Tamara. I'm praying!

[dense]

Tamara we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God but remember you have already been forgiven God knows your heart and he always sees the good in us dont be so hard on yourself.

Heavenly father I pray for Tamara that you will give her strength and guide her father show her your grace in Jesus name I pray amen

[No Coincidences]

Tamara, you are a much-loved daughter of the Lord! How do we know?
Because the conviction that you feel is a sign that the Lord's directions
hold value in your heart, meaning He is at work there!

At the same time, satan is working furiously, inflicting a sense of
worthlessness and hopelessness. Why? To try to prevent you from
reaching the very place in which you will receive the forgiveness you
desire, and the understanding and strength you need to overcome.
If satan can keep you from crying out your confession in prayer, you
will remain right where he wants you - guilty, hopeless, helpless and
separated.

When it comes to sin, RUN, don't walk, to Christ's throne! That's where
forgiveness and healing takes place.

It is also the place where we learn wonderful truths.

The Lord directs us because He loves us, and is entirely committed
to our well-being.

You have courageously acknowledged sexual sin. It may help you to
consider the purpose of the instructions He gave us which concern our
sexuality.

Marriage is a relationship with few equals. It begins with a new identity.
Two people literally become one in the eyes of the law, the world, and
the Lord. Before entering a legal agreement, it is assumed that the
participants are aware of and agree to the terms of a contract. The
marriage contract binds us to an exclusive and singular relationship,
one which requires a commitment/vow/pledge/promise to forsake all
others, in favor of one only, physically and emotionally. Tamara,
God sees YOU as entirely deserving of a partner who will commit himself
to YOU, and YOU alone. This is the environment and condition in which
love can thrive.

Marriage is also a reflection of the relationship we share with the Lord.
We believe and receive His promises, and take on a new identity as
Christ"ians"...one with Christ. This requires that we forsake all other
'gods', and acknowledge Him alone as Lord. We are joined to Him,
Spiritually, to the exclusion of all others.

The Lord speaks to us in love and truth. His sacrifice for us was the
most powerful and indisputable evidence that He spared nothing, not
even Himself, in favor of our good. It is the clearest indication of the
value He places upon us, and indeed, His actions confirm His Word.

His Word to us - flee sexual immorality. Desire, instead, a union which
is blessed and sanctified by Him. One designed to protect, nurture and
prosper us in all our ways.

Remember, 1 Cor. 10:13...There is no temptation taken you but such
as is common to man; but God is FAITHFUL, who will NOT suffer you to
be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also
make a way to ESCAPE, that ye be able to bear it.

Trust that the direction He is speaking to your heart is the very way
to the relationship you TRULY desire.

PRAY ON!

[steffuller]

Tamara
You need to keep in mind God loves you so much he will forgive you 100 fold. He does not excpet you to be prefect and never fall. After all if we were totally perfect we would be God. Also if sin was not easy none of us would fall. You are a good person so do not be so hard on yourself just ask for forgiveness and then forgive yours self.


oh and Kimmy; King David did turn away from God when he was having his affair with Bathsheba and had her husband Uriah killed. God punished him by making a drought and killing his baby son. It wasn't until Bathsheba was about to be stoned to death for her sins that he finally turned back to God. It is all in 2 Samuel.

[Tamara]

You guys have nailed it; I been having this feeling of complete worthlessness, as I am not deserving of anything better. I am getting cought up with a man that yes, I was immediately attracted to, but that I also know is not a good person for me, he does not have the best intentions as far as I can see. I may be wrong, he might be a good guy, but my gut feeling tells me otherwise. I keep seeing these warning signs that say "Tamara, dont do this, you're going to get hurt", and sometimes i follow them, but sometimes its real hard to resist.

I got angry at God tonight and I am ashamed; I asked Him why if He sees me trying to please Him and follow Him this much, He throws such hard situations and temptations in front of me. Why does He not show me people and situations that are good for me.....The harder I work to be in His liking, the harder it gets to stay on track, but I really do mean well. I went through so much and I feel it's time that for once I am in control instead of someone else, I feel that I deserve to find some one good that doesnt try to hurt me...I paid alot of dues and I learned from alot of mistakes, so why not give me a little break for once? I obviously know the problem is me, not the Lord.

If I can be completely honest and to show I am not a sleezy person, I want to let you know I never slept with this man. Not even once....we got close, closer that we should have, and its heading in the direction that we would end up doing something I will regret; so I am trying so hard to fight this temptation, I do not want this to happen, I know its wrong...I keep trying to reach my hand out to God, asking Him to pull me out of this in the most painless way possible, but I do not feel His hand reaching back. I was not, and do not want to be the type of person that is taken advantage of by a man for sexual pleasure, I do not want to compromise my job, and I want this attraction with him to cease....but why is it so hard? I am afraid if I resist temptation I will feel hurt by this man and feel alot of pain; the false sense of happiness that instant gratification gives you seems a painless choice, but in reality I know its a mask that only covers us bad decisions, poor judgement and a horrible sin; I feel like I am under this force that keeps saying "Live a little, this would be fun, and it will give you instant gratification"....but its giving me so much guilt in the mena time, I feel ashamed in the eyes of God, I keep worrying what He thins of me and I havent even done anything major yet. I try so hard to fight this force that draws me to him, but it gets seriously harder and harder each time.

I told the Lord in prayer earlier that I feel I am not good enough to deserve any better; maybe I am just not enough for a man that is better than this guy at work. Someone that would treat me with more respect and kindness.

Please pray for me, pray that I may be strong enough to avoid this aweful temptation. I feel my guard is down and I will make this huge mistake.....I pray that the Lord will help me make the right decision, take away this aweful feeling. Lord make me stronger, make me look the face of evil in the face and say "No, I will not sin, I will not stray from the Lord"...

I feel so tormented and alone, I pray the Lord can fill me with the warm feeling of contempt and love.

[Kimmy1975]

I told the Lord in prayer earlier that I feel I am not good enough to deserve any better; maybe I am just not enough for a man that is better than this guy at work. Someone that would treat me with more respect and kindness.


Hey there Hun,

This part of your post...really touched my heart. I know the feelings very well. However, what I would like to do..is sort of hi-jack your thread just a wee bit...and pray for your self esteem and self confidence. You are certainly worth someone that would treat you with respect and kindness. Firstly, you have to learn to treat YOURSELF with respect and kindness. That is the hardest to achieve sometimes. It took a long time for me to love myself...and it has been a struggle that I have been working through with my psychiatrist...since I was 19. I made poor choices in partners and chose things...that were not good for me...mainly because I felt I did not deserve anything better. I always felt somehow, I was below everyone else. However, after therapy and alot of self motivating...I am starting to love myself and you can to. My heart goes out to you hun...and I will be praying for you. With confidence and self respect...the rest of your needs will fall into place...because you won't fall into that temptation so easily!

Hugs,
Kimmy

“Dear Lord, Help Tamara, to allow the best for herself. To shine forth in each moment of her day with positive attitudes about herself. Allow these to show through her actions and her thinking. Help her to look within herself for those special gifts you gave to her. Help her too see her worth..not only from your eyes, but her own. Lord, please protect her from Satans grasp and help to lesson the temptations in her life, until she is strong enough to do so herself. Please protect her from negative thinking...and allow her to see the beautiful person you created. In Jesus name I pray....AMEN!"

[crying197]

Hi Tamara,

Receive a great hug from your sister in Christ. I have also been in your shoes and I want you to know that the devil who we rebuke in the name of Jesus is real. I recommend that you go to a spiritual warfare website and learn how to renounce in the name of Jesus all attacks from the enemy. The devil knows your strengths and your weaknesses. But when we decided to follow Christ and submitt to the Word. The devil will try but we can be stronger at resisting temptation. One thing I can tell you is to have constant communication with the Father. The apostle Paul stated that I he did not think that he will reach the glory but that he would continue to the goal. Remember that, you will continue to perserve in Christ until you reach your goal. You want to know what that should be to live forever with our Heavenly Father. The Lord also knows your weakness. Tell him Father this trial is too hard for me, I lift it up to you. I also like to say Father take away from me what is not of favor to you. And surely I can tell you that little by little my path with the Lord has been more solid and that I can choose my way of acting. One thing for me is that I have been through so much that I dont even want to think about going back. We all sin and we must repent daily. There not a sin that is too big or too little for God to forgive. When God forgives, he forgets and forgives. Learn how to forgive yourself and continue walking with Christ.

Remember you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Phillippians 4:13)


I will keep you in my prayers.

E.

[Tamara]

Thanks for all your kind words everyone:

I am just depressed and feel a little down, but you have helped alot. I been doing alot of thinking, I think I am starting to have a bit of some feelings with this guy, emotional attachement and I am trying my best to not feel that way, as I know the Lord wont want me to be with him.

I just hope that I can deal with this the easiest and most painlessd way possible.

[w.m]

Please know that I am thinking about you. I am sorry that I was not there for you sooner.

Lord,

Overide any negative emotions that Tamara has for herself and her outlook for your will. Your will is mystery. We know this Lord, we know that it is also sometimes frustrating. Forgive us Father when we lack faith. I pray against the lies that the evil one has put upon her mind. I pray that you will cast it away in Jesus name. Please be with her O Lord. Let her mind settle. We know that you have forgiven her. I pray that in time she will forgive herself. Bless her and her daughter O Lord.

In Jesus name,
Amen

[w.m]

by the way, you are not a bad person. You never will be. I pray that in time you will forgive yourself. God has already done that.

with love,
w.m